For those not ready to forgive...

A colleague and friend, Rabbi Meredith Cahn, shared this kavannah on the eve of Yom Kippur.   Forgiveness is such a prevalent thread that weaves throughout the High Holy Days.  We aspire to ask for it and to grant it during this season.   But what if we aren't ready?    Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman offers words of comfort and wisdom to help us reach this place in our time according to the "rhythm of our own hearts."  
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Kavannah/Intention For Those Not Ready To Forgive

The weight of this season compels us to forgive,
and to open our hearts.
There are many among us who have endured deep hurts,
this year, 
and some from many years ago
Some of us are not sure of the path forward
amidst the prayers and pleadings of Yom Kippur to wipe the slate clean and start anew.
For the woman who was violated
and for the man beaten down,
And for anyone with a broken heart or a crushed soul
who might not be quite ready to forgive.
It’s ok.
Take your time,
Sometimes the timetable of the High Holy Days
doesn’t match the rhythm of your heart.
Sometimes our devoted prayers get intermingled with inner voices not quite resolved:
such as,
“maybe it wasn’t all that bad”
“just let go”
“let bygones be bygones”
“be the bigger person” or
“maybe I’m being too sensitive.”
This year,
love yourself enough
to trust 
your own timing.
Be patient enough to
stay in the place of
“not yet.”
You commit to the work of resolution,
not being attached to an outcome or timetable.
Trust that you will find your way forward,
that you WILL come to a time
where holding on
hurts more than letting go.
Forgive yourself for not being yet ready.
From that place of total acceptance,
May you have faith that the path will open up.

Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman