I had the privilege to share my thoughts about effective ways for couples to communicate before, during and after their wedding with  The Wedding Standard.  

Getting married is one of the most significant things you will do in your lifetime and making that commitment to another person requires not only love, but mindfulness, dedication and hard work. As is the case with taking on any meaningful endeavor, preparation is important if you want to be successful. I encourage couples to start early in establishing a healthy communication style to build a solid foundation as they begin married life.

 Arise my friend, oh beautiful one, and come away. For now the winter is past. The rains are over and gone. Blossoms appear in the fields and the time for singing has come.  The sound of the turtledove echoes throughout the land.  The fig tree is ripening its green new fruit and the budded vines give of their fragrance.  Arise my friend, oh beautiful one, and come away.                                   Song of Songs 2:10-13


When I moved to the Central Coast in 1985, I discovered all the places to go berry picking - strawberries in Nipomo, ollalieberries in Avila Beach and  raspberries at a U-Pick farm on the way to Morro Bay.   Berry picking outings yielded pies, jams, and berry laden yeast waffle breakfasts.  So berry picking has always heralded the beginning of summer for me.  It's a wonderful way to forget the "to-do" list, be out in nature and then enjoy the fruits of your labor. And it is a powerful spiritual practice to set aside one's own agenda and just be an expression of the ways of nature. 

There is a wonderful documentary titled “Stewards of the Earth: One Planet, Many Faiths.” The film highlights faith based environmental programs throughout the United States.  There is the Earth Sangha in Fairfax, VA, a Buddhist group dedicated to native plants and forest restoration.  The Jewish Farm School in New York is an educational organic farm teaching sustainable agriculture based on the Torah.  The United Church of Christ in Chester County, NY has a community garden which provides work opportunities for inner city youth and they give 10% of their harvest to local food banks.  All of these programs work to repair our relationship with the natural world which ultimately brings peace and healing to our own souls as well as to our relationships with each other.  It is what we call Tikkun Olam (repairing the world) and Tikkun HaNefesh (repairing our soul). 

The young enthusiastic organic farmers atThe Jewish Farm School call the Torah the ‘Jewish Farmer’s Almanac’ because there is so much agricultural wisdom encoded in its teaching.   There are instructions about what crops to plant next to each other and what not to plant next to each other and how long to wait before harvesting fruit so the tree has time to grow strong and mature.  But the teaching goes even deeper. There are ancient laws about sharing a portion of the harvest with the poor so that everyone has access to food. The ecologic wisdom in the Torah is inherently social justice wisdom.   It provides inspiration for going out and doing good work in the world making the ancient wisdom relevant in our lives today.

We can all do the sacred work of being stewards of the earth by recycling, restoring habitat, buying local and organic, and making sure everyone has food security.  These are concrete and easy ways we can ‘pray with our feet’ as Abraham Joshua Heschel once said.   The next layer of practice is to realize that food security leads to sharing and improved relationships. Restoring habitat allows you to experience nature not as a resource but as something to be appreciated for its inherent natural gift.   And growing and harvesting local, organic food becomes a powerful community gathering point.
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Rabbi Shefa Gold writes, “God speaks to us through the wonders and beauty and mysteries of Nature. We must learn how to listen.”  I hope each of you takes some time this summer to listen.

A colleague and friend, Rabbi Meredith Cahn, shared this kavannah on the eve of Yom Kippur.   Forgiveness is such a prevalent thread that weaves throughout the High Holy Days.  We aspire to ask for it and to grant it during this season.   But what if we aren't ready?    Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman offers words of comfort and wisdom to help us reach this place in our time according to the "rhythm of our own hearts."  
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Kavannah/Intention For Those Not Ready To Forgive

The weight of this season compels us to forgive,
and to open our hearts.
There are many among us who have endured deep hurts,
this year, 
and some from many years ago
Some of us are not sure of the path forward
amidst the prayers and pleadings of Yom Kippur to wipe the slate clean and start anew.
For the woman who was violated
and for the man beaten down,
And for anyone with a broken heart or a crushed soul
who might not be quite ready to forgive.
It’s ok.
Take your time,
Sometimes the timetable of the High Holy Days
doesn’t match the rhythm of your heart.
Sometimes our devoted prayers get intermingled with inner voices not quite resolved:
such as,
“maybe it wasn’t all that bad”
“just let go”
“let bygones be bygones”
“be the bigger person” or
“maybe I’m being too sensitive.”
This year,
love yourself enough
to trust 
your own timing.
Be patient enough to
stay in the place of
“not yet.”
You commit to the work of resolution,
not being attached to an outcome or timetable.
Trust that you will find your way forward,
that you WILL come to a time
where holding on
hurts more than letting go.
Forgive yourself for not being yet ready.
From that place of total acceptance,
May you have faith that the path will open up.

Rabbi Jill Berkson Zimmerman

A commentary by Mark Oppenheimer, originally published in the LA Times, and reprinted in the San Luis Obispo Tribune, completely missed the mark in characterizing Jews as drifting away from the fight for civil rights.  Jews have always been, and still remain, firmly committed to social justice.  We take seriously the words of our prophets who taught that while loving your neighbor is important, doing right by your neighbor is what brings about justice and change. It is true that many Jews are upset by the recent statements from the Movement for Black Lives Matter that mischaracterize Israel. However, that does not mean we stop fighting for racial justice and equality and for the needs of all those that are oppressed.   And some, as Rabbi Sharon Brous recently wrote, are doubling down on our efforts to fight for equality.   We are doing this not only for racial justice but for refugees, for voting rights, for the fight against hunger, for sentencing and prison reform and for interfaith cooperation and understanding.  The Jewish community has not given up the fight for social justice and contrary to Mr. Oppenheimer's assertion, we are excellent partners to fight for change.  We know what it means to be the stranger and to be oppressed and we will continue to speak out for those in need.

Planning a Jewish wedding ceremony is probably just what you would think.   There is a first phone call or email from the couple inquiring about logistics - date, time, place.  Then there is a conversation. With couples coming to the Central Coast from all over the world, that could be via Skype, phone or in person.   Once we all determine we are a good fit, the fun begins. And I really do mean fun, because this process is why I am excited to go to work every day.   I get to share Jewish tradition,  often seeing this tradition I so love through new and fresh eyes. I am blessed to continually renew my relationship with these ancient rituals as we cooperatively transform them for this time and age.  

Something else happens as we fine tune the ceremony.  I witness the transformation of two separate people with two different family backgrounds become a lovely melting pot of shared traditions. A groom with Jewish Sephardic background reads a poem from the Golden Age of Spain's poet Yehudi HaLevi and has Flamenco dancers dancing to Ladino melodies at the reception.   A bride with Mexican traditions incorporates the lazo along with the wrapping of the tallit for the Priestly Blessing.  Incorporating these cultural traditions serves to unite families as the newly married couple creates traditions of their own.  Creativity, flexibility and curiosity are needed in creating shared sacred rituals. We can take the traditions and make them relevant for our time.  As the great Rav Kook said, "Make the old new, and the new sacred."

The wrap-up of the holiday season means that Engagement Season is in full swing. Many couples choose to commit to each other in the presence of family at Thanksgiving, or with a neatly wrapped ring box as the Hanukkah or Christmas present.  And we can't forget the romantic New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day proposals.  Engagement Season marks the beginning of wedding planning and great energy and care is taken in choosing the venue, the caterer, the photographer, the florist and the music. I encourage couples to take the same care when it comes to choosing your rabbi. 

It is a good idea to start the rabbi-choosing process early.  Rabbis need to plan around Jewish holidays, Shabbat, and synagogue commitments so the sooner the rabbi gets your wedding date on her calendar, the better.    
Just as important as the rabbi's availability for your wedding date, is to make sure the rabbi and the wedding couple are a good  "fit" for each other.   This means that the rabbi's personality, sensibility, and skill set are a good match for the wedding couple's vision.   Jewish marriage is a sanctification of two people coming together and the rabbi sets the tone for, and holds the sacred space for, that sacred coming together. Your rabbi should also be concerned not just about your wedding, but about your marriage.  Your rabbi will encourage you talk about issues that will arise in your future life together and help you to develop skills in communication and conflict resolution.  The more you can anticipate and deal with issues ahead of time, the better success you will have as a couple. 

I encourage couples to choose a rabbi that "gets" them as individuals, understands their backgrounds, and connects to their vision of how they want their ceremony to be.  In order to accomplish this, take care in getting to know your rabbi and what he or she will bring to your ceremony.  You will know when you have made the right choice when you will walk away from your encounters with the rabbi feeling heard, affirmed, and relaxed about what lies ahead.  And when the "fit" between you and your rabbi is a good one,  magical things can happen on your special day. 

I am grateful to all the couples who put their trust in me.  It is why being a part of Jewish weddings is my favorite part of being a rabbi! 

"Rabbi Mehring is incredibly warm, understanding and real. She served as our wedding Rabbi and officiated in front of two relatively conservative Iranian-American families. Not only did she win the crowd (and obviously us), she brought real meaning and understanding to tradition. She even graced us with her lovely voice! If you are thinking about marriage, engaged, or recently married (or long-married at that), I would recommend talking to her about marital counseling and preparing for journey ahead. We love Rabbi Janice!                                                                                             -Daniel and Doreen Ahadian

Ever turning goes the spirit.
The spirit dwells on its turning.    Ecclesiastes 1:6 

Most of us know the dreydl as a symbol of Hanukkah.  We play the game and eat delicious chocolate coins/gelt and we use the dreydl to tell the story of miracles.  The four Hebrew letters on our spinning top ( nun, gimel, hay, shin) are an acronym for the saying “Nes Gadol Haya Sham – A great miracle happened there!”  Rabbi Stan Levy taught me the dreydl can move beyond its role as a Hanukkah betting game and can direct us toward a spiritual awareness during this season of dedication and light.   

The word dreydl is Yiddish and means a ‘spinning thing,’ like a top.   There is a Yiddish phrase about ‘fardreying’ your kopf, meaning your head is spinning. Rabbi Stan taught me that holding a dreydl in your palm is like experiencing the world in your hands.    When you spin the dreydl, imagine you are spinning the earth on its axis, and you are feeling the turning of our lives.  Allow your head to spin with possibilities.

When the dreydl lands on Nun, in points to Nes -miracles.  What are the miracles in your life?
When it lands on Gimel, it points toward Gadol-greatness.  What is good and great in your life?
When it lands on Hay, it points toward Haya, something which is happening.  Are you experiencing your life in the moment, as it happens?
When it lands on Shin, it points toward Sham, something which is there.   Where is “there” for you?  Is it here and everywhere and are you really ‘there’?  

Arthur Rubinstein was nearly 80 years old when he told a reporter “I want to live passionately. I’m passionately involved in life; I love its change, its color, its movement. To be alive, to be able to speak, to see, to walk, to have music, paintings – it’s all a miracle.  I have adopted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle.”  This Hanukkah give your dreydl a few spins with these intentions in mind. Share with those around you how you might rededicate yourself to living your life fully present to the miracles and goodness around you. 

Now is a time filled with new beginnings including the communal ones of a Jewish new year and the start of the annual Torah reading cycle.  It is also the time to reflect on personal "fresh starts" having just completed our transformative fall holiday season. What will this new year hold for you? Will it be about accomplishing goals and reaching destinations? Can you enjoy the ride along the way? 

Goal setting and completion is important and is an exercise that can give life meaning and purpose.  Jews feel accomplished when they have completed a year's Torah reading cycle as it is no small task to navigate these complex Five Books of Moses. Reading the Torah can be thrilling, disturbing, enlightening, boring, and comforting all at once.  But we have to ask if the purpose of reading the Torah, or of completing any worthy goal for that matter, is about the completion of the task or is it about what you discover along the way?

Martin Buber wrote, "All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware."  You think you know why you are marrying someone, or why you took that job or why you are buying a house. But you may be unaware of the hidden rewards, or secret destinations, of the endeavor. Being present to those unexpected revelations along the way shines light on the true meaning and purpose of our journey.  

Instead of concentrating on what you will get done this year, focus on how you will feel doing it.   Instead of asking "What am I going to do?" ask  "Who will I be when I do it?" Our spiritual health and well being is nurtured with this as our kavannah/intention and when our soul is enriched, we are better equipped to bring our material goals to fruition. 
During our holiday Simkhat Torah/Joy of Torah, we finished the Torah, acknowledging loss with the death of Moses.  And then we immediately turned to the beginning to celebration Creation once again.  So just as we danced and rejoiced on Simkhat Torah, let's join our heads and our hearts and our feet and dance together into the new year, open and welcoming of the secret destinations we come to along the way.

The Hebrew month of Tishrei, which occurs during the fall season, is loaded with holy days.  We move from the deep introspection of the Days of Awe into Sukkot, the celebration of abundance. We finish the season dancing and rejoicing with the Torah on the holiday of Simkhat Torah.   It is a whirlwind of emotion and joy and special care and pacing is needed to ward off holiday exhaustion.    But there is a reason this time is called Z'man Simkhateinu: The Season of Our Happiness.  That reason becomes clear when viewing these holidays through the eyes of a little kid.   Our temporary shelter, called a sukkah, was filled with children this weekend.  We sang and read stories in our sukkah.  We compared the etrog, the special citron,  to a regular lemon.  "It is lumpier."  "It is the same color -yellow."  "It has a pointier end."    We compared our sukkah to regular house.  "There is no kitchen."  "There is grass on the roof."  And they postulated what would happen if it rained.  And then we made edible sukkahs out of graham crackers, frosting, pretzels and fruit chews.  Is there anything more joyful than seeing a little kid covered in chocolate frosting? Rabbi Arthur Waskow, author of The Seasons of Our Joy, writes this about Sukkot. " We walk into the sukkah - the fragile field hut, open to the light of moon and stars, that our forebears lived in while they gathered in the grain. We dangle apples and onions, oranges and peppers, from its leafy roof. And we feel the joy that for a moment life is so safe, the world so loving that we can live in these open-ended huts without fear."  I feel happy sitting in the sukkah with people of all ages sharing in the gratitude of the blessings in our lives.  Though the sukkah is meant to be temporary, we pray that these feelings of joy, gratitude and blessing sustain us in the months to come. 

I just scheduled a Tuesday morning wedding.  For many Jews, Tuesday is recognized as a lucky day to get married, as well as to begin a new business, move to a new home, and start a new adventure. Tuesday is deemed an auspicious day because in the Torah's story of Creation,  Tuesday is the only day that God describes as "good" two times.  I was actually married on a chilly Tuesday morning in December. Tuesday was chosen to navigate around the December holidays and hectic work and travel schedules but the rabbi assured us it was a good choice.
Tuesday may be a fine day to get married but there are no traditional Jewish sources that deem Tuesday as the ideal day.   There has never been a particular day of the week deemed as THE Jewish wedding day.  Jewish weddings have occurred on Friday afternoon, Sundays, Wednesdays as well as Tuesday. Traditionally, weddings do not occur on the Sabbath (from sunset Friday until sunset Saturday) because historically Jewish weddings involved a monetary transaction and the signing of a legal document, both activities prohibited on the Sabbath.  Another reason for not marrying on the Sabbath can be found in the midrash.  Jewish weddings are not celebrated on the Sabbath or other Jewish holidays "because we do not mix one simcha or joyous occasion with another." To paraphrase, "Why not hold your wedding when its joy alone will be celebrated?"   In contemporary North America, there are Jewish weddings held on Saturday evenings now to accommodate traveling family and guests. 

Whatever day you choose for your wedding, may every wedding day be "ki tov" / good!  

Blessed is the creation of joy and celebration, lover and mate, gladness and jubilation, pleasure and delight, love and solidarity, friendship and peace.  Soon may we hear the world rejoice and celebrate all loving relationships.   
(An interpretive 7th wedding blessing of the Sheva B'rakhot  by Rabbi Leila Gal Berner)